SeekersAcademy
I Have Got Him Now How Do I Keep Him
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You meet a great guy and things are going really well. He’s exactly your type and you’ve established a clear basis upon which you see eye-to-eye in the blossoming and promising relationship.
He’s everything you want minus some of the little quirks here and there you could live without (after all, we’re not perfect now are we), yet you’re very happy.
And you match each other’s ideal in every way. You like to cook and he loves to eat it, he likes art and you love to paint the walls wearing just an apron and some drawls with “do me” etched across the butt, and he sleeps on the right side of the bed by nature and you sleep on top of him.
All this is going so great and you don’t want to f*ck it up. So how do you avoid it? How do you avoid wrecking a good thing when a good thing has inevitably slipped through the spaces between your fingers before?
The truth is, all you have to do is be yourself. Your TRUE self. Not the one you think he wants you to be, not the one you’ve been before who undoubtedly lost the other guy, and not the one you think you have to forsake in asking this very question in the first place.
Depending on Your Role in the Relationship Don’t Initiate Power Plays Unless You Know For Certain You Have the Leverage to Hold Steady
I don’t believe in the equality mindset of the 50/50 arrangement. One person in the relationship always has the advantage over the other, and most people settle willingly and contently into their place in that arrangement. In other words, know your place.
My husband sure as hell wouldn’t be happy if I out-of-the-blue bent over kissing his ass out of fright, insecurity and desperation. He knows every part of me that came with the whole package and he expects no less and no different.
Know what role you want to take on and be willing to play it. Don’t try and switch teams.
When we try and change things up, the ebb and flow and order of the relationship is disrupted. Know who you are and what you’re willing to give from the start and maintain that if you are happy with the arrangement.
Don’t become the pushover if your understanding and need is to lead.
Never Try and Change Anything About Yourself That You Feel Isn’t Good Enough For Him OR YOU. If You Weren’t Good Enough Already, HE’D BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE
As human beings, it’s tempting for us to want to be the best we can be for the people in our lives who matter the most. We want to please them and unfortunately that often comes with the cost of displacing ourselves.
We see him drooling over the Raiderettes at half-time, or we surf through his sports mag and the pages are full of women with lipoed thighs, butts and guts, and boinging tits that would better serve as lifesaving flotation devices.
And we conjure up ill-fated hallucinations in our minds that we’re suddenly not his ideal woman, when we’re the ones laying up in bed with him every night happy as pigs rooting in shit.
He is with you BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU. Learn to accept that and stop finding reasons to punish him for it. The real lasting you is incomparable to a fleeting fantasy, real or made up.
Don’t Agree to Anything Less Than What You’ve Already Agreed Upon- Hold Yourself Up to a Higher Standard and He Will Too
I’ve mentioned a thousand times how we should never stoop to get what we really and truly want in order to be satisfied.
And if you don’t compromise your principles, they become uncompromising. Therefore, they become the rule of which there will be allowed no exception.
If you want marriage, don’t settle for live-in roommate half-shot deals. If you want devotion, don’t advocate him going out with his buddies 2 weekends out of the month to get shitfaced and possibly laid on the side. If you want affection, don’t push him away when he’s trying to get closer.
If you want love, don’t pretend everything is alright IF IT ISN’T.
If you want respect, don’t allow yourself to be put in a position that is irrespective to what garners respect.
Relationship Guerilla Tactics That Never Work
Calculating Mind Games and Disrespect, Making Him Jealous, Empty Threats of Walking Out and Small Bits Born Into Blown Out Mushroom Clouds
Some women resort to all out fights of folly in order to try and keep the man- little do they know, they are pushing him out the door.
It’s not going to sit well with him that you act like a blatant sore asshole in front of his buddies by slinging insults in his direction to make him look stupid.
He’s not going to fare well with you telling him every dude in town wants you and that they should, and that you’re an inch away from leaving him for someone else.
He isn’t going to yield when you callously slam the door in face when he’s trying to reach out to you when you’ve been fighting incessantly for the last week.
And he doesn’t want you to make him look bad because your ego needs inflating and he doesn’t want an unreasonable skag bag who thinks being utterly stinking difficult is the way to get him to pay attention and do what she wants.
Be plain as day and direct in exactness without angry and ridiculous outlandish shows of pseudo-will, especially when you know deep down you don’t have the ability to win.
Not Pulling Your Weight in EVERY FACET of the Relationship
You pull your weight by bringing in and laying everything you got on the table when it matters. And a lot of the things people take for granted are the things that matter the most.
You’re becoming lazy by not keeping up on your appearance (I’m sorry to say this but personal upkeep is very important), you’re not working as hard as he is at being present in the relationship, you’re a dead f*ck who just lays there who has become disinterested in sex and yes, you’re a big nasty fish drag when it comes to asking him every 10 minutes to take out the trash, ESPECIALLY when you could do it yourself.
You have to help him out too. It is an integral part of the relationship. You help him by being helpful, not being helpless.
Bending Over Backwards For Him and Playing the Doormat While Giving Him Permission/Exactitude to Lay Up on His Rear End and Play Dominant
Don’t be mysterious about it. Don’t try and skirt the issue and don’t try to appease him by kissing his ass while you stand to lose everything and remain feeling like crap.
There are a number of ways that women kiss their man’s ass and they always come up looking like insovereign fools:
- She lets him use her body as a sperm depository even though and in spite of the fact THEY BOTH KNOW she is uncomfortable (yes to men, sex is an act of dominance).
- She becomes too complacent with him “upgrading” her and making her take on 95% of the responsibilities that make up the whole of the relationship so he can remain a lazy 5-percenter.
- She says she’s okay with everything he does, even when it hurts like hell to see him doing all the things she’s never been okay with, yet doesn’t have the guts to speak up about it.
If you say nothing, everything stands to remain exactly the same. If he doesn’t know what he’s doing is wrong, he’ll always assume it’s perfectly alright.
Men are not mind-readers although women want to connive and convince them that they are.
Thus the only one losing in this case is you. Losing your mind, your will and your dignity one blow at a time.
Side note: Stop relying on sex as the topper on the entire cake in order to try and keep him. If he’s really in love and devoted, sex isn’t the mainstay, it is the sliver in the cake. Put a lid on the freaky sex crap UNLESS it’s of your doing and isn’t SQUARELY to benefit him.
For some women, getting a man is half the battle and keeping him is the rest of it. However, if you stay true to YOU- the woman he fell for, the one who doesn’t bend like loose putty, isn’t carrying on halfway or lopsided, and doesn’t try funneling him through a sea of childish crap, he’ll stay true to you too.
Be a woman who knows what she wants from her man and FROM HERSELF and by God, he’ll give it.